Closer
by Roving Otter
Summary: The bond between student and sensei can be powerful. But how close is too close? Gai/Lee.
1. Chapter 1

AN: Proceed with caution, as there will be mature content in later chapters…but for what it's worth, all sexual activity takes place between consenting adults.

* * *

Tsunade applied the last symbol to the floor, then wiped the ink off her finger with a cloth. She raised her eyes. Maito Gai knelt in the center of the circle, shirtless, symbols radiating outward from him like the spokes of a wheel. "You're sure you want to continue this, Gai? You understand the cost."

"I understand," he said quietly. "I'll suffer any consequence necessary. I don't want these feelings."

She hesitated. No one, save Gai, had ever _asked _for this particular sealing jutsu. Typically it was used as a punishment, a means of controlling predators—and even then, it was reserved for hopeless cases. Its effect on the subject's body was particularly harsh. "You know, there are other ways. You could drop the student, transfer him to another team…"

"I won't abandon him. I made a promise." He stared straight ahead. "Just do it. Please."

"Very well." She placed a hand on his back.

His muscles went rigid, and his head snapped back as he screamed.

* * *

_Three years later_

"Two thousand nine hundred and ninety-six…two thousand nine hundred and ninety-seven…"

"His eyes burned with passion as he pulled her close and whispered, 'You are mine, Ai, no matter what he thinks. And I will never let you go.'"

"Two thousand nine hundred and ninety-eight…"

"A flush of desire spread through her body as his battle-roughened hand slid beneath her dress and along one silky thigh…"

"_Urgh…_stop reading out loud. I'm trying to train."

"Stop counting out loud. I'm trying to read."

"Almost done…" Gai gritted his teeth as he did another push-up, then another. Sweat dripped into his eyes, stinging, and he blinked it away. "Three thousand!" He collapsed, panting, and rolled onto his back. Cool grass tickled his neck. "Right! Next, four hundred laps around the village. Kakashi, why don't you join me?"

"No thanks." Kakashi sat under a nearby tree, an open book in one hand. "I'm almost to the end of this chapter. Ai is about to choose between her two suitors. Personally, I hope they all end up in bed together. There's been sexual tension between these guys since chapter three."

"Suit yourself." He stood, grinned, and winked. "But the next time we have a match, don't be surprised if I defeat you. I've been training while you've been frittering away your time with those ridiculous books."

"This is training of a different kind. My imagination's getting a great workout right now."

"If you say so." Gai sighed and looked up at the clouds. Somehow, running laps alone was never quite as enjoyable. _If Lee were here…_

"He's probably on his way back already," said Kakashi. "Lady Tsunade received a messenger hawk from him the other day saying that his mission's complete."

"Er…did I say that out loud?"

"No, but you always sigh and look up at the sky when you're thinking of him. How long has he been gone, now?"

Gai rubbed the back of his neck. "It's been nine months, two weeks and three days since he left." The longest time they'd ever been apart, Gai added silently.

"That's quite awhile," said Kakashi.

"Well, he's no longer my student, after all. He doesn't need me anymore." He heard the forlorn note in his own voice and forced a smile. "Er, that's how it should be, of course. Youth blossoms into manhood…the fledgling spreads its wings and becomes the mighty eagle…"

"It's okay if you miss him, you know. You two are usually joined at the hip. I imagine this has been an adjustment for him, too."

Gai looked at the sky again and felt a tugging pain in his heart. "I do miss him." Too much.

It was right, he told himself, that Lee no longer needed him. It was right that Gai was no longer the most important person in his life. Better this way. Better for Lee.

But it still hurt.

* * *

When he'd finished his laps, Gai returned to the training field. Kakashi had gone back to the village, leaving the field deserted. With nothing else to do, Gai stretched out on the grass and started doing sit-ups, but his heart wasn't in it. He sat up, sighed, and looked up at the sky, now tinged with the bleeding orange glow of sunset. A wave of melancholy swept over him. Though he tried his best to conceal it from the world, this feeling had been his near-constant companion in the months since Lee left: a heavy, listless feeling that suffused his body and weighed down his limbs like sand bags.

He closed his eyes.

The back of his neck tingled. Someone was watching him. He opened his eyes and raised his head to see a tall, green-clad form at the edge of the training field. His heartbeat quickened. Slowly, he stood and faced the familiar figure. For a long moment, they stared at each other, and neither of them moved.

Then Lee laughed out loud and ran toward him across the field. Gai swept him up in a bear-hug, and Lee hugged him back with enough force to make his ribs creak. "Gai Sensei!"

That voice—a little deeper than it had once been, but still clear and sweet and young—triggered a rush of memory and feeling so intense it brought the sting of tears to his eyes.

"Lee…" Gai held him, eyes closed, and breathed in the familiar scent of Lee's skin and sweat. After a moment, he forced himself to pull back, holding his former student at arm's length, and smiled. "It's been so long. Let me look at you."

Lee straightened and squared his shoulders.

Gai nodded in approval. "I see you've been training hard. You've put on some muscle mass, and—were you this tall when you left?"

"I think so."

"I'd swear you've gained another inch of height. If you keep growing at this rate, you'll be towering over me in no time."

Lee smiled. "I am nineteen now. I am as tall as I am going to get, I think."

Gai chuckled and clapped him on the shoulder. "You've grown into a fine young man."

Bright spots of color bloomed in Lee's cheeks. "Thank you, Sensei."

_So you still blush easily. _"A fine man and a fine Shinobi. Soon, you'll surpass me in strength."

"You think so?"

"I know it."

Lee paused. "I have missed you."

"And I you. Have you had dinner? Let's go back to my place. I'll make some curry, and we can talk. We have some catching up to do. Er…unless you're busy, of course. I'd understand. You just got back, after all, and…"

"No, I am not busy," Lee said quickly. "I have so many things to tell you, I do not know where to start."

"First food, then you can tell me everything." He held up one finger and winked. "Conversations always go better on a full stomach." He turned, and Lee followed him back to his apartment.

* * *

Lee scraped the last bite of curry from his bowl, leaned back and sighed with contentment.

Gai sat across from him. "So, how was your mission?"

Lee's eyes lit up, and he began to talk. Around most people, he wasn't especially chatty—but when they were alone together, his thoughts seemed to spill out of him like water.

He told Gai about the tiny country where he'd lived for the past nine months, a cold and isolated place. He talked about the massive marble palace and the stoic royal family, the peasant houses made from blocks of ice, the graceful, doe-eyed seals who provided sustenance for the people, the nets filled with squirming silver fish, and the knives made out of walrus-tusk and whalebone. He told him about the soft twilight that passed for daylight in the far north, the clear, frigid nights, the howling blizzards, and the lonely, bittersweet feeling he got sometimes when he looked out at the horizon. Gai listened and reflected on how much he'd missed the sound of Lee's voice.

"It is an amazing place," Lee continued, "but I am glad to be home. There is so much I missed here. And…" He looked down, fingering the edge of his napkin. "To be honest, I have been very lonely."

"Weren't there people to talk to, there?"

He shrugged. "Yes, but their culture there is so different. They tend to frown on small talk. On most days, I never exchanged more than five words with anyone. I got so hungry for the sound of voices, I started talking to myself. Well, actually, I talked to you." He smiled, eyes lowered shyly. "I would pretend you were there and tell you all the things I wanted to tell you. But then, I have always done that. Talked to you when you are not there, I mean."

"Have you?"

He nodded. "Silly, I know."

"N-no. Not at all."

"Being out there in that cold, silent place, away from everything I know—it made me appreciate and cherish everything I have here. I missed…Konoha. I felt like there was a hook in my heart with a line attached to it, leading back here, and it was pulling at me all the time. It was almost unbearable."

"But you've been away on long missions before."

"Before, I was always with you. Without you…" He trailed off and stared into his empty bowl.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Sensei. I am fine."

"Lee, I've known you for over ten years now. You've been my student for much of that time. I know when something is on your mind. Won't you tell me?"

"I do not want to trouble you," he murmured. "It is nothing, really."

"Nonsense. You know you can tell me anything."

He hesitated. "Earlier, when you said that I would surpass you one day…it frightened me a little."

Gai looked into those dark, expressive eyes, and a strange feeling washed over him. "Why?"

Lee swirled his spoon around in the leftover sauce at the bottom of his bowl. "If I surpass you, it will be like leaving you behind. I will not be able to call you Gai Sensei. I will not be part of your life anymore."

Those words echoed his own fears so closely that a chill skittered up his spine. "Is that what you think?"

"Well, you will have other students. New students. It would be selfish of me to keep demanding so much of your time."

"I'll always have time for you. Even if I'm not your sensei anymore, I can still be your friend. And I'll always be there for you if you need help or advice. That's a promise." He smiled and gave Lee a thumbs up.

Lee smiled back, but the expression faded too quickly, and his eyes were distant and troubled.

"Lee?"

"Sorry. I am in a strange mood, I suppose."

Gai lay a hand on his shoulder. "Did something happen to you during the mission? Something you haven't told me about?"

"No. Not exactly." Lee hesitated. "I have not been sleeping well lately. I feel strange at night. Restless. My heart beats too fast, my face flushes, and I feel hot all over. When it happens, I get up and run laps for awhile, but when I come back to bed, it's the same thing. And when I finally fall asleep, I have such troubling dreams."

"Hm." Gai rubbed his chin. "How long has this been going on?"

"I do not know. Weeks. Maybe I am sick."

Gai leaned closer, brushed Lee's hair from his brow and lay a hand against his forehead. "Well, you're not feverish, and your eyes are as bright and clear as ever. Perhaps it isn't physical, but psychological. Were you thinking about anything in particular the last time this happened to you?"

"Just the usual things, I suppose."

"What kind of things?"

"Oh…you know." He swallowed. "About home, I guess. And about you."

"About me?"

"Maybe I was just homesick. Is that what people mean when they say 'homesick?' I never took it so literally, but maybe that is it. Maybe now that I am back, it will stop. Do you think so, Gai Sensei?"

Gai didn't answer. He wondered why his heart was beating so fast, why his stomach felt so strange and tight, why his mouth was dry. "What sort of dreams do you have?"

"Eh?"

"You said you've been having nightmares."

"Well, I—I do not remember much now. Just bits and pieces. But they are not…nightmares, exactly. They are not bad. Actually, they feel very good. They just confuse me."

"I see."

Lee stared down at his hands. Gai watched as he ran his thumb slowly back and forth across his scarred knuckles. "When I wake up, I feel so strange. Like I have done something wrong, something I should not talk about, even though it isn't real. Do you think I should see Lady Tsunade? Maybe she can give me something that will help me sleep."

"Are these dreams about anyone in particular?"

"Yes."

"Who?"

A pause. "You."

Gai's eyes widened. Silence stood between them like a wall. "Lee, you mean to say you…" He trailed off.

Lee's breathing quickened. "I am sorry. I should not have said anything. It is…it is not what you are probably thinking, it is just…"

"Lee."

He gulped and fell silent.

Gai spoke slowly, choosing each word with care. "The bond between sensei and student can be a powerful thing. Sometimes, the feelings that arise from that bond are intense. It's easy to confuse them for something else."

Lee lowered his gaze, shoulders hunched. He suddenly looked much younger, like the child he'd been. "I see," he murmured. "Is that all it is?"

"You've been alone in a strange land for almost a year. You've been without friendship, without affection…and you're a man now, after all, with a man's needs. Being alone can affect the mind and heart in strange ways."

Lee bowed his head. His shoulders trembled, and his eyes twitched back and forth—not looking at anything in particular, just darting aimlessly, like small creatures searching for a place to hide. Drops of sweat glistened on his brow.

Gai's heart twisted painfully in his chest. His first impulse was to take Lee into his arms, as he had so many times when Lee was a child—to calm him with words of reassurance, to feel his breathing and heartbeat slow as his fear subsided. But Lee wasn't a child anymore, and holding him now, at this moment, would be…Gai wasn't sure what, exactly, but it seemed dangerous.

Lee stood and turned away. "I am sorry, Sensei. I never meant to tell you. I am so embarrassed. Please…just forget about it, all right?"

"Lee…" He stretched out a hand. "Wait."

"I should get going. I have to talk to Lady Tsunade and let her know my mission is complete—there is probably some paperwork to file—I will see you later." He ran out the door, leaving Gai alone.

-To be continued


	2. Chapter 2

For the next few days, Gai didn't see Lee at all. He was conspicuously absent from the places he usually trained, and Gai didn't quite have the courage to go to his student's apartment.

One morning, walking to the gymnasium, he spotted Naruto in the street and waved. "Ah, Naruto-kun! Have you seen Lee recently?"

"Bushy Brows? Sure, I saw him yesterday."

"How did he seem to you?"

Naruto gave him a blank look.

"Did he seem well?"

"Oh! Sure."

"Ah. That's good."

"Well…" Naruto paused and scratched his cheek with one finger. "Come to think of it, he was quieter than usual, and he had dark circles under his eyes. Probably just stayed up too late."

"Hm…"

"I've gotta go. See you!" Naruto ran off, waving.

Later, he asked Sakura the same question.

"He's been very depressed," she said immediately. "He's spending most of his time alone in his apartment. I haven't seen him like this since his injury all those years ago. But he won't talk to anyone about it. I was hoping you'd know what was bothering him. Do you?"

"I'm not sure. But I'll speak to him later."

Gai walked on, past the looming red building where the Hokage resided. He paused, looking up.

Three years ago, when Tsunade performed the sealing jutsu on him, she'd warned him that the effects were not permanent—that they'd wear off within a few years. He'd hoped that by that time, it would no longer be an issue. He'd never wanted to repeat that experience, but now it looked as though he might have to, after all. His jaw tightened, and he turned away. Later, he thought.

That afternoon, he found Lee alone in the training field, kicking a log dummy. His movements lacked their usual energy; they were stiff, almost robotic. Gai approached. "Lee."

Lee tensed and looked over his shoulder. He gulped. "G-Gai Sensei…I…I was just going to…"

"You've been avoiding me."

Lee froze, his shoulders rigid.

"Your friends say that you're depressed and that you won't tell them what's wrong."

He averted his gaze.

"Is this about what you told me last week?"

Lee nodded, eyes downcast. He gripped the log dummy with trembling hands and bowed his head.

Gai stared at his student's back. He could see the ghost of Lee's younger self in that posture—could hear the echo of that child's voice in his memory, asking if hard work could truly overcome genius. Pain squeezed his heart. "You have nothing to be embarrassed about. I wanted to tell you that before, but you left before I had a chance. This sort of thing isn't uncommon. To become…" He cleared his throat. "…attracted to one's teacher…it's a phase many students go through, sooner or later. But it _is _a phase. It will pass, and things can go on as they always have."

Lee rested his forehead against the log dummy. For a moment, he was silent. Then he spoke, very quietly. "What if I told you that I have felt this way for a long time?"

"How long?"

"Years."

Gai stared. For a moment, he couldn't speak; his mouth moved but produced no sound. When his voice finally emerged, it sounded oddly choked, almost squeaky. "Lee, you…really?"

Lee didn't respond.

Gai swallowed. His mouth had gone dry, and his own heartbeat filled his ears like thunder. "Why did you never tell me?"

"I think I was afraid to admit it, even to myself. I did not know how to deal with those feelings, so I just pushed them deep inside my mind and buried them. But I cannot hide it anymore. Even when I was in love with Sakura-san—or believed I was—it was still you my thoughts kept going back to. It has always been you. I have never had a girlfriend, or a boyfriend for that matter. I have never even been kissed. It just never felt right, because there was really only one person I ever wanted."

Gai exhaled slowly and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Lee, I'm your teacher and master. Even though you've become my equal in strength, even though you've grown into manhood, your heart will always see me that way. You understand that, don't you?"

"Yes," he whispered.

"Then you understand why it would be wrong—very wrong—for me to take advantage of your feelings."

Lee's fingers tightened on the log. "Yes, Gai Sensei."

Silence stretched between them.

"Look at me."

Slowly, Lee raised his head and looked over his shoulder. Tears shone in his dark eyes.

They were beautiful, those eyes. He remembered thinking so even when Lee was a child and things were simple and innocent between them. His throat tightened. "It wouldn't be right," he whispered. "We can't. _I_ can't. But not because of you, or anything you are. Do you understand? You are the most meaningful thing in my life. Nothing will break that bond. Everything I am, everything I do, is for you. You're my purpose."

Tears slid down Lee's cheeks. "Sensei…" He walked toward Gai, closing the distance between them. Gai's breath caught in his throat as Lee's arms slipped around his waist.

He hesitated. For a moment, he wondered if he should push Lee away, but he couldn't deny him something as simple as a hug—not when he so clearly needed one. He wrapped his arms around Lee and rested a hand on his back. "It's all right," he whispered.

Lee hid his face against Gai's shoulder. "You are not disgusted?"

"I could never be disgusted with you. Not for anything." Gai gently ruffled his hair.

Lee raised his eyes, still wet with tears, and close enough now that Gai could see his own face reflected in them. He looked into those dark eyes as Lee leaned closer…

And then Lee's lips were against his, soft and warm. Gai stiffened. He stood, back rigid, unable to move, breathe or think. When he finally recovered his wits, he gripped Lee's shoulders and—very gently—pushed him away. "That's enough."

Lee flinched. "Forgive me, Sensei. I should not have done that. I just—I do not know what to do about these feelings."

_Neither do I, _thought Gai. "We'll figure something out," he said quietly. He studied Lee's face, the dark shadows under his eyes. "You're still having trouble sleeping?"

He nodded.

"Go to Lady Tsunade. She'll give you something to help."

"Yes, Sensei."

"Don't worry about anything. This will all be sorted out soon." How, he had no idea, but he needed to say something. He couldn't bear to see Lee in such pain.

Lee stared down at his feet. "I don't suppose there is a jutsu that can make me stop feeling these things?"

Gai's back tensed. No, he thought. He couldn't allow Lee to put himself through that. "I don't think so. And even if there was, I'm not sure that's the right way to deal with this."

"Then what is?"

He hesitated, wishing he had all the right answers, wishing he were half as wise as Lee believed he was. "I don't know."

* * *

For the next few weeks, things went back to usual—on the surface, anyway. Gai and Lee trained together as they always had, but the awareness of what had happened between them lay beneath every interaction, like water beneath a thin layer of ice. Lee's face remained a shade too pale, and he rarely met his teacher's gaze. The easy, warm camaraderie they'd always shared had been replaced by a delicate caution. They hadn't embraced since that day, and even when Gai clapped him on the shoulder or back, there was an awkwardness that had never been there before.

It was unbearable.

One afternoon, Gai found Kakashi sitting under a tree, reading one of his infamous Paradise books. He cleared his throat. Kakashi looked up, the lid of his one visible eye drooping in his typical apathetic expression. "Hm? Oh, it's you, Gai. Did we have a match planned today? I must have forgotten."

"No, no match. Actually, I wanted your advice about something."

Kakashi raised his eyebrow. "Advice?"

"Yes. There's a problem I've been struggling with for awhile, and I need the opinion of someone I can trust."

Kakashi closed his book and stood, facing Gai. "What's this about?"

"It concerns a student of mine. But before I tell you, I'd like to ask that you keep this between us. If word got out, it could be...awkward."

"For you?"

"For my student. I don't want him to suffer any embarrassment. He's having a difficult time as it is."

"All right. What's the problem?"

Gai hesitated. Kakashi waited, one hand on his hip. He stood in his usual slouched, casual posture, but Gai wasn't fooled; he might look relaxed, but Kakashi never let down his guard. He was always paying attention, even if he pretended otherwise. "Kakashi, has one of your students ever expressed feelings for you? I mean, er...feelings of a non-platonic nature?"

"Once or twice." He shrugged. "It's not unusual for young people to develop crushes on teachers."

"So how did you deal with it?"

"I told them I'm not interested in brats."

Gai blinked. "In those words?"

"Sometimes you have to be blunt. Better for her to feel a little dejected now than let her get her hopes up and be heartbroken later."

"It's a boy," he murmured.

"Ah. Well, same deal."

"The thing is, I already told him we can't have that sort of relationship, and now he's terribly depressed and I don't know what to do about it."

"He'll get over it. You have to remember, this sort of thing is usually a phase. He'll outgrow it sooner or later."

Gai took a slow, deep breath. "What if it wasn't a phase? What if you learned that your student had felt this way for years and just never told you?"

"Years?"

"Yes. Strictly speaking, he's not really my student anymore, but he still looks to me for guidance and support, still calls me Sensei..."

"Wait a minute. Are you talking about _Lee_?"

Gai tensed and lowered his gaze. "Well…yes."

The silence seemed to press down on him like a huge weight. Somewhere nearby, a cricket chirped.

"Well," said Kakashi, after what felt like an hour. "I always knew you two were close, but I never thought...hm." He looked away, one hand on his hip. "Lee's nineteen now, isn't he? Didn't he become a Jonin not too long ago?"

"Last year." He stared at the ground. "I never suspected he felt this way. I don't know what to do."

Kakashi rubbed his chin and rolled his eye upward, as if looking inside his head for the proper words. "Well, how do you feel about him?"

Gai froze, caught off guard. "Well, I…" He stuttered for a moment. "Does it even matter? Even if I returned his feelings, I could never take advantage of him like that."

"What makes you think you'd be taking advantage of him? He isn't a child anymore. He's a tough, competent Shinobi. He just got back from a year-long mission protecting a village from bandits in one of the most dangerous countries in the world. I think he's old enough to decide who he wants to sleep with. It's just a matter of how you feel about him."

"But you just told me…"

"I thought you were talking about some twelve-year-old Genin. This is different, obviously."

Gai stared, flummoxed. He'd been prepared for every possible reaction except this. He'd always known that Kakashi's attitudes toward sex and relationships were far more relaxed than his own—to put it politely—but even so… "It's more complicated than you're making it out to be. Even if he's an adult now, he still sees me as his teacher. I can't just ignore that fact."

"If you want my advice, it's this," said Kakashi. "Figure out how you feel about him. If you like him that way, great. If you don't, then tell him that you're sorry, but you can't return his feelings."

"I don't think you understand."

"What's there to understand?"

"You say 'figure out how you feel.' I can't even begin to describe how I feel about him. Lee is…" He paused, trying to find some way to sum up how he felt about his student. He couldn't do it. It was as if someone had asked him to draw a picture of joy, or sorrow, or eternity. Gai clenched his fists. "I'm hopeless with words. And I'm even more hopeless at analyzing myself. I'm better at _doing _things."

"So sleep with him."

Gai's jaw dropped. After a moment, he found his voice. "What?"

"Well, the easiest way to figure out if you like something is to try it. Right?"

Gai palmed his face. "Damn it, Kakashi. It isn't like that for me. If we do…_that, _it's going to change both our lives forever. What if we regret it? I can't risk hurting him. He trusts me so much. If I break that trust…"

"This isn't going to go away, Gai," Kakashi said quietly. "You said yourself he's felt this way for years. If you want something resolved, sometimes you have to be willing to take a risk."

"Of course. You're right," Gai muttered, though nothing had been resolved in his mind. "Thank you, Kakashi."

"Anytime." Kakashi sat beneath the tree, opened the book, and continued reading.

Gai walked back toward the village, his mind a battlefield of conflicting emotions--most prominently, confusion and frustration. Kakashi just didn't understand his situation. How could he talk so casually about things Gai had forbidden himself to even _think _about for years? The very notion of doing _that _with Lee filled his mind with screaming alarm bells: _Dangerous. Forbidden. Wrong. _His first, frantic impulse was to bury the thought and wall it off.

Still, Kakashi was right about one thing: if Gai did nothing, then nothing would be resolved. He needed to talk to Lee. He needed to tell him the truth about his past and his feelings. After that...well, he'd figure something out. Hopefully.

-To be continued


	3. Chapter 3

Gai approached the training field where Lee stood, punching a log dummy. He stood for a moment, staring at his student's back.

He'd spent most of the past night awake, thinking about what Kakashi had said and trying to untangle the complicated knot of his own feelings. Now, he watched Lee's body move—watched his muscles shift beneath his form-fitting jumpsuit. Sunlight sparkled on his sweat, and his shiny, dark hair clung to his damp skin.

A tremor ran through Gai, and he felt things tightening low in his body.

Well, that just confirmed his suspicions. The sealing jutsu had worn off.

He closed his eyes, trying to regain his composure. His pulse thumped in his throat, and he clenched his hands into tight fists. After a moment, he opened his eyes. Lee still hadn't turned around.

Gai cleared his throat.

Lee spun to face him and straightened, arms at his sides. "Gai Sensei! G-good morning."

"Good morning, Lee. Everything all right? You're normally much more alert than this. I was able to approach you from behind without you noticing."

"I am sorry, Sensei." He bowed his head. "I was lost in thought. I will try to be more alert."

"Never mind. Sit down with me. I need to talk to you."

Lee hesitated, then nodded.

They sat together in the shade of an oak tree's sprawling branches. Gai studied Lee's face, those familiar, beloved features. Though it was clearly the face of a man now, he still had the same wide, innocent eyes. There was something about Lee that remained untouched by time: his open, honest heart, his desire to believe the best of people, even those who hurt him.

"Sensei?"

"I remember when I first met you at the Ninja Academy." Gai smiled. "Even back then, I could see what a wonderful spirit you had. You were so determined to pursue your dreams, so fierce…yet so vulnerable, so hungry for any word of encouragement, of praise. Of love. You needed someone to believe in you, someone to give you guidance and affection. I was happy to be that person. I watched you grow stronger, watched you become a splendid ninja, and it gave me such pride to know that I played a part in shaping the man you became." His smile faded. "Then—about three years ago, when you were sixteen—I started having dreams about you."

Lee's eyes widened.

"Words can't begin to describe the depth of my shame. I was almost twice your age, after all, and you were my student. I believed you saw me as the father you'd never had. I was sure that if you knew the truth, you'd be horrified. I lived in fear that others would learn of my twisted desires. Above all, I feared that you would find out and that it would break your heart. I knew that the safest thing would be to give you up as a student, but I couldn't bring myself to abandon you. So I approached Lady Tsunade and asked for help. At my request, she used a sealing jutsu to lock away my desires."

"That can be done?" Lee whispered.

He nodded. "Not anyone can do it. It takes a skilled medical ninja. But it worked. The dreams stopped." He didn't mention the cost. Tsunade had warned him that the technique could shave years off the subject's lifespan, but Lee didn't need to know that.

Lee looked troubled. "You told me there was no such jutsu."

"Because I didn't want you to endure that. It's…not a pleasant experience. But it was such a relief for me. All those confusing, shameful feelings, just gone. I could hug you without feeling guilty. I could be what you needed—a teacher and friend—and nothing more."

"Is it...permanent?"

"The effects last a few years. After that, the seal has to be reapplied. But I would have done it even if it lasted a lifetime. It seemed a small sacrifice to make, if it could salvage my relationship with you. You must understand, sex has never been a big part of my life. I've always admired Kakashi, but when it comes to—certain things—he and I differ greatly. He's had many lovers, whereas I'm…" He paused, then sighed. "Less experienced."

"Have you _ever_…?" Lee looked away, blushing. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't ask that. It's a silly question, anyway. I mean, of course you have." He paused. "Have you?"

"Yes." He hesitated, wondering if he should say anymore--but he'd resolved not to hold anything back from Lee. If they were to take the next step in their relationship, Lee needed to know him as a man, not just a teacher. "When I was about sixteen, Kakashi introduced me to a friend of his, a Jonin named Kentaro. I admired him right away. He was strong and skilled, the sort of ninja that I wanted to be--though there was something in his smile that made me uneasy. When he found out I was a virgin, Kentaro offered to 'teach me,' as he put it. I went home with him that night. I was nervous, but I was also tired of being teased about my lack of experience. I thought I might as well try it and see what all the fuss was about." He paused, staring into space. "I hated it. There was no love, no trust, just flesh slapping against flesh. It felt dirty and cheap, and...it hurt quite a bit more than I expected. After that, I never shared my body or bed with anyone."

Silence. Lee stared at him, his eyes huge.

Gai tugged at the collar of his jumpsuit, his cheeks flushed. He wasn't accustomed to talking about the more personal aspects of his past with Lee, or with anyone, really—and it felt more than a little strange, admitting to his student that he was practically a virgin at age thirty-three. "So there you have it," he said.

"That was the only time?" Lee asked quietly.

Gai nodded. "I told myself that sex was something I didn't need or want, that I could be a better Shinobi without that distraction. I devoted myself entirely to my Ninja Way…and later, my students. Especially you, Lee." He hesitated, then touched the back of Lee's hand, very lightly. "I grew up during a bad time. Like many ninja my age, I lost my parents during the war. I had comrades, friends, but no one I truly loved…until you. And I loved you so much. I still do."

"Sensei…"

"When you returned from your mission this week, you described a feeling you had—a sensation that there was a hook in your heart with a line attached, and it was pulling you back here, toward home. Toward me. I understood what you meant, because I've felt the same thing. I feel it every time we're separated…as if there's a cord between our two hearts, and the farther apart we are, the more tightly that cord stretches, and the more pain it causes me."

Lee squeezed his hand tightly, then closed his eyes and pressed the back of Gai's hand to his cheek. Tears glistened on his lashes.

Gai stroked his dark hair. "You're so precious to me," he whispered. "Those desires I felt—that I still feel—I saw them as something dirty and destructive, something separate from my love for you. I never dreamed that you might return my feelings. When you told me, I could hardly make myself believe it. But even then, I wondered if I had somehow done this to you."

His brow furrowed. "What are you talking about?"

He studied Lee's dark bowl cut and green jumpsuit, identical to his own. "You've always idolized me. And I encouraged it. I molded you in my own image. Kakashi always kept a certain emotional distance between himself and his students. If they started getting too close, he'd push them away. I always thought it was just his nature to be aloof, but perhaps he knew something I didn't. Perhaps in keeping you so close to me, pouring so much of myself into you, I left no room for anyone else in your heart."

"But I have friends. Naruto-kun, Sakura-san, Tenten…even Neji."

"True, and I know you care about them deeply. I know you would do anything to protect them."

Lee nodded.

"Even so…there's a private space deep within the heart, where a man's most personal dreams and fears are kept. And you never let any of them into that space. Only me. Or am I wrong?"

He flushed. "No, Sensei. You are not wrong. But that was my choice. I _wanted_ to be like you, because you are the most wonderful person I've ever known! You are strong and confident and kind and good and...and handsome and charming and so wise. And you are a splendid ninja. You're everything I have ever wanted to be."

Gai shook his head. At Lee's words, he felt a familiar shame eating into his heart again. "That's all I've ever shown you. There are sides of myself I've never let you see."

"What do you mean?"

He stared into space. "I'm not perfect. Far from it. I'm damaged. I'm some kind of emotionally stunted freak who's apparently incapable of having a normal, adult relationship with anyone. Why else would I be attracted to my own student? To a boy I practically raised?"

"Stop that." Lee clenched his fists, shaking. "Stop talking about yourself like that."

"It's the truth. I'm not the person you think I am. I've done something terrible to you."

"No! You have made me very happy!"

He shook his head. "I made you into a copy of myself. I made you dependent on me because I _needed _you to love me. I used you. I'm a monster—"

The blow came out of nowhere and knocked him flat on his back. Gai lay, blinking and disoriented. Lee stood over him, shaking, his eyes filled with tears. Then, with both hands, he grabbed Gai's jumpsuit and hauled him to his feet. "You are _not _a monster! How can you say that about yourself? I will not let you believe such things." He clenched his jaws, tear-tracks shining on his cheeks, and gave Gai a hard shake. "You are my beloved teacher. You are the most important person in my life. You are the one who always gave me hope when I was on the verge of despair, the one who believed in me no matter what. You are the guiding light that I've always followed. How dare you degrade yourself like that? How dare you say that you used me when you know it isn't true?" His grip tightened. He was breathing hard, face flushed, dark eyes blazing through his tears. "I _love _you. And I want you. Only you."

"Lee…"

Lee leaned forward. Gai stared into those dark eyes until he seemed to be falling into them. Up and down lost their meaning, and a wave of vertigo washed over him. The rest of the world vanished—there were only those eyes, intense and brilliant, like two dark suns. Then Lee's lips were on his.

The kiss was slow and soft, almost chaste. Gai closed his eyes, dizzy with the sensation of those soft lips against his mouth, the warm, clean taste of him. When he finally pulled back, he was breathless. He opened his eyes, dazed.

Lee gulped and released him. "I—I am sorry I hit you, Gai Sensei," he murmured.

"It's all right, Lee." He rubbed his aching jaw. "We've hit each other much harder during our training matches."

"Yes, but…that is different." He looked down and wiped the back of one bandage-wrapped hand across his eyes. "I just could not stand to hear you saying those awful things about yourself. I know that is no excuse—"

"I'm the one who should be apologizing," Gai said quietly. He placed his hands on Lee's shoulders and rubbed them gently. "You're shaking. I didn't mean to upset you so much."

Lee looked up at him, eyes brimming with tears. "You are not a monster," he whispered. "Say you're not."

"All right. I'm not." He framed Lee's face between his hands, thumbs stroking his cheekbones. "I'm sorry." Slowly, unable to resist, he leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Lee's forehead, then kissed his eyebrows, one after the other. Lee's eyes fluttered closed, and he kissed each eyelid. He kissed the rosy circles in his flushed cheeks. He kissed the tip of his nose, the corners of his mouth.

Lee's breathing quickened.

"Are you all right?" Gai whispered.

"Yes," Lee whispered back. His eyes were still closed, and Gai could see his pulse fluttering in his throat.

Gai swallowed, his mouth dry. "Are you sure you want to learn this from me, Lee? In this, I'll be a poor teacher. I have so little experience to go by..."

"We can be each other's teachers. I just want to be with you."

Gai's heart thudded against his ribs. He leaned in again and trailed kisses slowly down the side of Lee's neck—such soft skin, he thought. He undid the fastenings of Lee's jacket and opened it to reveal the green jumpsuit beneath. The small, hard buds of his nipples were visible through the thin material. Breathless, Gai ran his thumb over one.

Lee's breathing grew even faster.

Gai's hands trembled…then he closed Lee's jacket and redid the fastenings.

Lee's eyes opened, soft and unfocused. He looked almost drunk. "Gai Sensei?"

"I don't want to rush this," he said quietly. "I want time to prepare. I want it to be special." He combed his fingers through Lee's soft, dark hair.

"It will be," Lee said, "because it will be with you." He smiled. Then his smile faded. "Sensei? Why are you crying?"

"Nothing. It's nothing, Lee. I'm just very happy."

-To be continued


	4. Chapter 4

"I'm kind of surprised," said Kakashi, pouring a cup of sake. "You're usually not much of a drinker." He pushed the cup across the table, to Gai.

"I have a feeling I might need a drink or two. It's a little difficult for me to talk about sex. As you've probably figured out by now." He downed the cup in one swig. They sat together in Kakashi's apartment, a bottle of sake on the table between them. "I hope you don't mind me coming to you for advice like this."

"You know I don't mind." Kakashi poured him another cup. "So how are things going with Lee?"

"Good. Very good. We've taken the next step."

"Great. So how'd it go?"

"Eh?"

"The sex."

"Oh. Well, we haven't actually _done _it yet. But we've decided that we're both open to the idea."

"So what's stopping you?"

"Well, I can't just jump into it. These things take preparation."

"Like what, pulling your pants down?"

"Kakashi, please. This is serious."

"Okay. Sorry. But seriously, what kind of preparation?"

"Well, er…" He flushed. "I'm not entirely sure how it's done."

Kakashi raised his visible eyebrow. "What? Sex?"

"Yes. I mean, I know the basics, of course. I know what's supposed to go where, but I'm not really sure about…"

"Woah, woah. Time out. This is going to sound like a really dumb question, but…you've had sex before, right?"

Gai stared into his drink and mumbled something.

"What?"

"I said, it's been a long time. A very long time."

"All right, when was the last time?"

"That night. You know, we were sixteen, and you introduced me to Kentaro. Remember him?"

"You're joking. Right?" Kakashi stared. "You haven't had sex since then?"

Gai shook his head. "It wasn't a great experience for me, to be honest. It left me reluctant to try it a second time."

"Wow. That bad? I mean, I sort of got the feeling you didn't enjoy yourself much, considering you never saw him again after that, but still."

"Well, I guess I just wasn't prepared. He was moving too fast for me, so I told him I wanted to stop, but he wouldn't, and…"

Kakashi sat up straighter, his visible eye wide. "He _raped _you?"

Gai's shoulders tensed. "Well, no. I wouldn't say that. Honestly, I don't remember it very well, so I can't really say what happened. I'd had a little too much to drink. I normally don't touch sake at all, you know, but he kept urging me to have another cup, and then...if I'd fought him a little harder, I probably could have stopped him. I--I don't know why I didn't. I was just very confused."

Kakashi looked a little sick, his skin ashen. "Oh God." He slumped and buried his face in his hands.

"Kakashi? Are you all right?"

Kakashi took a slow, deep breath. "No, I'm not all right. I just found out that my best friend was raped and that I'm directly responsible."

"You're not responsible. And I wouldn't call it rape," he murmured. "It was rough, but I did agree to have sex with him that night. I can't blame him for expecting me to keep my word."

"Bullshit. You told him to stop and he didn't. If that bastard hadn't been killed during a mission already, I'd hunt him down and skin him alive. And you were a virgin—God, I'm so sorry, Gai. I had no idea."

"It's not your fault."

"It is. I hooked you up with that prick. Why didn't you ever tell me what happened?"

"I don't know. I guess…I guess I didn't really understand _what _had happened. I thought…" He swallowed. "I thought that's just what sex was like. I thought maybe there was something wrong with me and that's why I didn't enjoy it."

"No, no. It's not supposed to be like that. It's supposed to be fun and relaxing and pleasurable. God, what have I done? I introduced you to him because I knew you were his type and I was hoping you two would hit it off and that something would happen, but I never thought…"

"You were hoping I'd have sex with him? Why?"

"Because I was sixteen and stupid. I thought I was doing you a favor. I mean, I knew you were a virgin, and I thought—I thought that you were a great guy, and that it was kind of sad that you didn't have a girlfriend or boyfriend. I wanted to help you. I never imagined…" He trailed off, staring at the tabletop.

"It was a long time ago," Gai said quietly. "I probably shouldn't have even brought it up. I just want to make sure I do it right this time. I don't want to hurt Lee. I don't want to make him feel that way."

"I don't think you will. You care about him more than anyone else in the world. You'd never hurt him."

"But I have," Gai whispered. "I didn't know how to deal with my own feelings, so I pushed him away. I hurt him through my own confusion and inexperience. I don't want it to happen again. Please. I just need advice."

Kakashi hesitated, then nodded. "Okay." He drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "What kind of experience does Lee have? Do you know?"

"None. That's why I need this to be perfect."

"Gai, he's a virgin and you're practically a virgin. It's not going to be anywhere near perfect. Sex is like anything else: it takes time to figure out what you're doing and get good at it. Accept the fact that your first time will probably be awkward. The most important thing is just to be patient and gentle with each other. And you're going to need lube. Lots of lube."

Gai pulled a notebook out of his pocket. "Where can one buy this lube?"

"You can get it in any…hell, I'll take you out later and buy some for you if you like. But if you don't feel ready for anal yet, there are other things you can do first, to get used to each other's bodies. In fact, that might be a good idea."

"Other things? Like what?"

"Well, you could just use your mouth or your hands…" Seeing Gai's blank look, he sighed and began to elaborate.

He ended up talking for almost two hours, outlining various sexual practices while Gai took diligent notes the whole time. Kakashi had underestimated the depth of his friend's sexual naivety. After he used the phrase "tossing the salad," Gai replied in a faintly puzzled tone, "You mean I should make dinner for him?"

"Er…no, actually, that's another term for rimming."

"What's rimming?"

Kakashi explained.

Gai looked astonished. "People do that? Is that really...you know. Clean?"

"Sure. If you wash yourself first, it's no dirtier than anything else." He drained another cup of sake. He'd lost count of how many they'd had. "Really, how do you go thirty-three years without picking up some of this stuff? I mean, even if you don't participate, I'd think just listening to people talk…"

Gai shrugged and smiled, his cheeks flushed from drinking. "I guess I never had time to learn. I was always training. But this—" He flipped through the pages of notes he'd taken. "This is helpful."

"It's the least I can do." He paused, staring into his empty cup. "I'm really sorry about what happened, Gai."

"Eh?"

"With Kentaro."

Gai lay a hand on his friend's shoulder. "It was seventeen years ago, Kakashi. A lifetime ago. It doesn't matter now."

He nodded, but he knew that wasn't true. It _did _matter. Kakashi was one of the few people who knew Maito Gai well enough to know that his loud, brash, eccentric mannerisms concealed a far more complicated person. "Sensitive" was probably the last word most people would use to describe him, but he was. He'd kept more of his humanity than any other Shinobi Kakashi knew.

Oh, he was strong—he could endure levels of physical pain that would send most people into screaming fits, and each day he pushed himself relentlessly, beyond the limits of normal human endurance. Kakashi sometimes wondered if the man had any nerve-endings in his body at all.

But of course, he _did _feel. He felt more deeply than most people would ever believe or imagine. And what had happened that night, Kakashi suspected, had damn near broken him.

* * *

Lee lay sprawled on the grass, panting and drenched with sweat. "That felt good! Let's do it again."

Gai smiled. "So soon? Are you sure you're up for it?"

"Yes, Sensei! Youth will not tire so easily!"

"Right!" Gai leaped to his feet and thrust one arm out toward the setting sun, pointing. "Another three hundred laps it is!"

They ran toward the horizon, arms behind them, sweat sparkling in the last rays of sunlight. "If we can't finish three hundred tonight," Gai called between breaths, "we have to do an additional five hundred tomorrow morning!"

"Yes, Sensei!"

An hour later, Lee collapsed behind him. Gai turned and watched as Lee climbed to his feet, breathing hard. His legs shook with exhaustion, and every visible inch of skin shone with sweat. "Need a rest?"

"I am fine!" He straightened. "Just tripped. Let's keep going."

Gai placed his hands on his hips and studied Lee. He liked seeing him like this, he realized—flushed, sweat-drenched and pushed to the absolute limits of his endurance. The sight stirred things low in his body and spread a flush of warmth through him. He looked away and cleared his throat. "Why don't we stop for the night?"

Lee blinked. "Sensei?"

Gai approached him, lay a hand on his shoulder and guided him over to a nearby tree. They sat down together.

"I am really all right. I've pushed myself harder than this before."

"I know, Lee. But I want to talk to you, and I should probably do it before we're both too exhausted to move."

Lee sat up straighter, and his gaze locked onto Gai.

Gai took a deep breath. "We've discussed our feelings for each other," he said quietly. "If you're ready, I think it's time we explored those feelings a little more. Would you like to come to my apartment tonight?"

Lee's eyes widened, and the pupils dilated. He whispered, "Yes."

"All right." His heart thudded against his ribs. The beats reverberated through his body. "I'll meet you there in an hour, then? That should give us both a chance to get ready."

"Yes."

Gai hesitated. "Of course, if you don't feel ready yet, we can hold off a little longer. I don't want to rush you. I want you to be completely prepared for anything we do together, and I'm willing to wait as long as you wish…"

"I have already waited a long time for this, Gai Sensei," Lee said quietly. "I have been in love with you since I was thirteen. I am ready. I want this more than anything."

"So do I. I just want it to be right. I want your first time to be as good as it can possibly be. As a matter of fact, I've, er, been doing some research…"

"So have I."

"Really?"

Lee nodded. "I have been reading things. It has given me a better idea of what to expect."

"That's good." He wondered just what sort of things his student had been reading, but found himself unable to ask. It was still difficult for him to talk about sex with Lee—though he supposed he'd have to get over that, and soon. "In that case...if you're prepared...I think I am, too."

Lee's eyes shone with excitement, and color rose into his cheeks. Breathless, he gathered up Gai's hands in his own and kissed the palms. With each touch of those soft lips on his skin, a tingle of pleasure ran through the nerves in Gai's arms.

He cupped Lee's chin with one hand, lifting his face, then leaned in and kissed him--just a feather-soft brush of lips against lips. Kissing him still felt so dangerous, so forbidden. He dared not do it too hard.

Lee had no such inhibitions. He pressed his lips firmly against Gai's and pulled him closer, until Gai could feel his student's heart beating against his own. His desire roared to life like a bonfire, huge and fierce. His heartbeat raced out of control, and he felt himself hardening. He gulped, aware that Lee could feel it, too--their bodies were molded together so tightly that even a slip of paper couldn't have found its way between them.

Lee's hand slipped down, and his fingers brushed his sensei's thigh, the touch like a jolt of electricity. Gai gripped his wrist and pulled it away. "Not now," he whispered.

"I am sorry."

"It's all right." But he was suddenly anxious. If they were seen...well, he wasn't sure the other villagers would be as laid back about this as Kakashi. He had no idea how they'd react, actually. But he didn't think either he or Lee was ready for this thing to become public. At some point, he knew, the others would have to know--but not yet. He stood, turned away and took a deep breath, willing his erection to fade.

"Sensei?" Lee climbed to his feet. "Are you angry?" There was a puzzled, almost frightened note in his voice, and pain lanced through Gai's heart. He'd hurt Lee again.

"No," he said. "No, I'm not. I'm just a little overwhelmed. You affect me so strongly. It's hard for me to control myself. I just...I want to be careful." He turned to face Lee. "I think we should wait until we're at my place."

"All right." He paused. "Tonight, then?"

"Tonight."

-To be continued


	5. Chapter 5

AN: This chapter contains mature content.

* * *

Gai returned to his apartment, showered and changed into a fresh jumpsuit. He sat at the kitchen table and tapped one finger against the tabletop while he waited, his stomach a mass of knots.

He'd thought about doing something special—cooking an elaborate dinner, getting flowers or candles—but ultimately decided that anything too fancy would just make this more awkward. So he waited. After a few minutes, he stood and paced.

He hadn't expected to be so nervous. No, he thought. Not nervous. Scared. But of what?

He closed his eyes, searching his own heart. The fear that he would somehow hurt Lee loomed large in his consciousness, but beneath that, shadowy and unexpected, lurked another fear: that Lee would hurt him.

He still remembered that night—the confusion, the humiliation, the sense that something precious and irreplaceable had been destroyed forever, carelessly smashed by a man he barely knew, a man who would probably forget his name within a week.

A knock at the front door yanked him out of his reverie, and he gave a start. Slowly, he approached the door and opened it to see Lee standing there, flushed and breathless, as if he'd run all the way. "Gai Sensei, may I come in?"

Gai nodded. He stood aside, allowing Lee to enter, then closed the door. His heart thumped against his ribs, and his mouth had gone dry. He dried his sweat-damp palms on his jumpsuit. "Are you ready?"

Lee nodded. "Should we just…start? I do not know how this is usually done."

"I don't think there are any rules." He hesitated, then reached out and pulled Lee into his arms and just held him for a moment. He could feel his heart knocking against his ribs like a fist, and knew Lee could feel it too.

Lee's arms slipped around his waist, and he snuggled closer.

"You're trembling," Gai murmured. His fingers slid through that dark, shiny hair and stroked the back of Lee's neck. The skin there was soft and warm, like living velvet. "Tell me what you're feeling right now."

"I am excited. And happy. And…maybe a little nervous. But I am not scared, not really. Because I trust you."

He looked into Lee's eyes—those warm, earnest, sweet dark eyes.

"Sensei?"

"You're beautiful," whispered Gai. "You know that, don't you?"

Lee flushed. "You really think so?"

He nodded. His thumb traced the curve of Lee's lower lip. "Absolutely."

"You don't think I'm…strange-looking?"

"Whoever gave you that idea? You're perfect." His hands smoothed down the back of Lee's jumpsuit and came to rest on his slim hips. He swallowed, his heartbeat in his throat, and rested his forehead against Lee's. "I've spent the past three years aching to touch you like this."

"I've been dreaming about you for almost twice that long." Lee's lips brushed against his.

Gai's hands moved up to his shoulders, then down again, feeling the contours of his lean, hard body outlined by the soft cotton jumpsuit. "I want you to know," Gai whispered, "that this can end at any moment of your choosing. If you're even a little uncomfortable with anything, or if we're going too fast, just let me know."

Lee nodded, a tiny movement of his head. His tongue crept out to wet his lips. "Should we go into the bedroom?"

Gai's breathing quickened, and he nodded, unable to speak. It was hard for him to believe this wasn't a beautiful dream.

They entered the bedroom and closed the door. Gai lay a hand on Lee's vest. "May I take this off?" Lee whispered a yes. Gai undid the fastenings of his vest, slipped it off and let it drop to the floor near the bed. His hand glided across Lee's chest and came to rest over his heart. He could feel it beating hard and fast against his palm.

Warm lips grazed his jaw. Gai closed his eyes. He could feel himself trembling.

"Sensei?" Lee whispered, lips moving close to his ear. "Are you all right?"

"Y-yes, I just…I don't really know how to proceed. I don't want to hurt you."

"Why don't you just lay down?"

Gai hesitated, then obeyed. He stretched out on his back, all too aware that his form-fitting jumpsuit emphasized his body's reaction to Lee. Warm hands gently peeled the fabric away until he was naked from the waist up. A roadmap of scars covered his skin, remnants of countless battles. He looked down at them, self-conscious. In all the years he'd known Lee, he'd never shown him this much of his body. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"The scars."

"I have them too, you know. I do not mind them." He kissed a faded scar on Gai's chest. Calloused fingertips brushed across one small, dark nipple, and it stiffened.

He gulped. "Lee…I…"

"Shhh. Just relax."

Gai blinked, surprised. He'd assumed that when they did this, he would take the lead. In everything they'd done together, Lee had looked to him for guidance. He'd had no reason to believe this would be different. "Lee?"

"I want to please you. Will you let me?"

Gai trembled as those fingertips—roughened and hard from countless hours of training, yet infinitely gentle—trailed lower, over his belly. The muscles of his abdomen contracted as Lee traced patterns on his skin, then tugged the jumpsuit a little lower, exposing everything. Overwhelmed, Gai closed his eyes…then gasped as he felt the hot, wet velvet of Lee's tongue. He started to sit up, but Lee pushed him gently down. "Relax."

"Are you sure? I mean…I feel so selfish, just laying here while you…"

Lee silenced him with a gentle kiss. "I have fantasized about doing this more times than you would ever believe. Let me give you pleasure. Let me love you. Please?"

Gai nodded, breathless.

Those strong, caring hands pushed his thighs a little further apart, and Lee's dark-haired head lowered.

Gai panted for breath. What Lee was doing felt—intense. He'd never experienced anything quite like it. He moaned softly, fingers digging into the bed-sheets. "Lee…oh God, that feels…oh Lee…" His eyes closed again as he struggled to keep from crying out.

Then, all too soon, it was over. He lay, dazed and sweat-drenched, his chest heaving. He felt as if he were floating.

Lee stretched out beside him and rested his head against Gai's shoulder. "Did that feel good?"

"God, Lee, that was…where did you learn how to do that?"

"Kakashi lent me some of his books." He flushed. "They are very...descriptive. Does that mean I did all right?"

Gai wrapped his arms around Lee and pulled him closer. "It was wonderful. If I'd known it could be like that…" He trailed off, and his arms tightened around that lean, firm body. Lee was still in his jumpsuit, but Gai could feel something hard and warm pressing against his thigh. He paused, then one hand strayed down to that bulge. His fingers brushed against it, and Lee let out a little gasp. "Do you want this?" Gai whispered.

"Yes."

Gai rubbed gently, producing a soft moan from Lee's throat. Slowly, he pulled down Lee's jumpsuit and ran his hands over the bare, smooth skin beneath. _So beautiful…_ His thumb found one pebble-hard nipple and rotated slowly around it. He kissed one nipple, then the other. Lee's head tilted back, exposing his throat; Gai could see the rapid, hummingbird-flutter of his pulse beneath that smooth skin. He trailed kisses down Lee's neck as his hand slid across one slim, toned thigh. "My Lee," he whispered. His fingers brushed against hard, hot flesh, and Lee let out a little gasp. Gai hesitated. "Do you want me to keep going?"

"Yes!"

Encouraged, he continued.

He'd never done anything like this for another person before, but it wasn't so different from doing it for himself. He watched Lee's face, flushed and damp with perspiration, lips parted as he panted softly for breath. He listened to the soft, hungry sounds that escaped Lee's mouth. "Sensei," Lee whispered. "I'm…" He cried out, eyes rolling back in his head.

A moment later, Lee pressed his face against Gai's shoulder, panting. "Gai Sensei…" He snuggled closer. "Thank you…"

Gai hugged him tight and hid his face in the hollow between Lee's neck and shoulder. He rubbed his cheek against that smooth, warm skin, breathed in the scent of his sweat. "I love you," he whispered. "More than anything." He cupped Lee's cheek with one hand. "My dear, dear Rock Lee."

Lee breathed a happy little sigh. Drowsy, half-lidded eyes gazed up at him as Lee cuddled closer and hugged Gai's arm. "I love you too."

Gai watched as Lee's eyes drifted shut. He'd never felt so warm, so content, so safe. His most precious person was here with him, so close he could feel the gentle rhythm of his breathing, the steady thump of his heart. If he could choose his own heaven, this would be it—this moment, laying here with Lee, looking at his beautiful face.

He listened to Lee's breathing slow as he drifted off, watched his eyes move in tiny flickers beneath the lids as he dreamed. His own lids grew heavy, and exhaustion crept over his mind like a warm fog. For awhile, he resisted, not wanting the moment to end—but eventually, he succumbed and fell into a deep, peaceful sleep.

* * *

When Gai woke, his arm had gone numb. He tried to sit up, but something pinned him to the bed. He blinked and turned his head to see Lee asleep beside him, still hugging his arm. The sight sent a jolt of shock through his body, and the memories of last night flooded his mind. He gulped.

_I slept with my student._

_I slept with Rock Lee._

Gai's heart pounded. What had he done? They wouldn't be able to keep this a secret for long. What would people think when they found out?

He needed to think—he thought better when he was moving. He tried, carefully, to untangle himself from Lee's embrace, but Lee tightened his grip and made a small sound of protest without waking up. Gai sighed and lay down again. After a moment, he wrapped his arms around his sleeping student and held Lee close against his chest. Somehow, holding Lee calmed his own anxiety.

Lee's lids flickered open, and drowsy eyes looked up at him. "Gai Sensei," he whispered and smiled. "So it wasn't a dream. You're really here."

"Yes, Lee."

He sighed and closed his eyes, still smiling. "I've always wanted to wake up like this," he murmured. "Safe in your arms."

Gai's heart melted, along with the last of his doubts. Whatever the future brought, this feeling made it all worthwhile.

He held Lee closer.

* * *

Tsunade folded her hands and stared across the desk at Gai. "I'm going to get right to the point," she said. "I summoned you here today because of a rumor that's been circulating around Konoha."

Gai tensed. "What sort of rumor?"

"Some people are saying you've become sexually involved with one of your former students. Normally, you wouldn't be obligated to report this sort of thing. Personal relationships are personal relationships, and as long as there's nothing illegal going on and it doesn't endanger the safety of the village, it's really none of my concern. However, certain people are making quite a fuss, and I told them I would look into the matter. So--is there anything to these rumors?"

Gai's hands clenched slowly into fists.

He could lie, he supposed—tell her nothing was happening, that the rumors were just rumors—and no one would be able to prove otherwise. He didn't even know how such a rumor had gotten started. He was pretty sure Kakashi wouldn't let his secret slip. Had someone seen him and Lee together? Perhaps. They hadn't always been as careful as they could have been.

It didn't matter now, anyway. Though he _could _deny it, he would not, because Gai was first and foremost a Konoha ninja, and Lady Tsunade was his Hokage. To betray that trust would be to betray everything he stood for. "Lee and I…we've started a relationship."

Tsunade blinked. Her mouth opened, then closed. "Well," she said at last. "I must admit, I didn't actually think the rumors were true."

He paused, studying her expression. "You don't approve?"

"If you're asking for my opinion…" She shrugged. "Generally speaking, I don't think relationships between students and teachers are a good idea. Even if they're both adults, the whole 'student and teacher' thing never quite goes away. There's a power imbalance, and that can be dangerous."

Gai lowered his gaze, and his chest tightened painfully. "I can't say you're wrong. I've tortured myself with those same thoughts night after night. For years, I thought I was a depraved monster. A part of me still feels that way. But Lee has done his best to convince me that I'm mistaken about that."

She was silent a moment. "Do you love him?"

"More than life," he said quietly. "I want him, only him and no one else. And he's told me he feels the same, that he's felt this way for years. When we tried to deny those feelings, it hurt us both. I can't go on denying it. But I know you're right—I know it's dangerous. I'm terrified of hurting him. I—"

Tsunade held up a hand, and he fell silent. "I can tell you've thought about this a great deal. And Lee is a man now, after all. It's not my life or my decision. You must both do what you believe is best."

Gai took a deep breath and nodded. "You said people are making a fuss. Who?"

"Mostly parents who are concerned about you teaching their children. They've been whispering among themselves, speculating that your relationship with Lee may have been going on for a long time, and now they think you're out to seduce impressionable young Genin. They think you're dangerous."

Gai's shoulders stiffened. "It wasn't like that! We didn't become intimate until a few weeks ago! I would never…I'm not…" He paused and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. "What happened with Lee—I didn't expect or plan it. I never tried to seduce him. I tried everything in my power to suppress my feelings for him—you know that better than anyone—but then after he came of age and I learned how he felt about me, I…"

"I know that, Gai. I don't think you're a danger to anyone. But it won't be so easy to convince those concerned parents." Her expression was grim. "All it takes is a few rumors to get people up in arms, if the issue is a sensitive one. They're already calling for you to resign your position as a teacher."

Gai stared at her. He felt as though he'd been punched in the gut. "That means I'd never be allowed to take on another student? Ever?"

"Unfortunately, yes. Of course, I won't force you. If Lee was indeed an adult when you started your relationship with him, you've committed no crime. It's up to you. But you should be aware that if you don't resign, you'll have a lot of angry people to contend with."

Gai's chest tightened, and tears prickled in the corners of his eyes. He could fight to keep his position, but what then? The word would spread, the rumors would distort and grow with every telling until the truth didn't even matter anymore, and soon every person in Konoha would be clamoring for his resignation.

"You know, even if you stop teaching, you'll still be a Shinobi. You'll still be able to go on missions."

"Yes, that's right." He forced a smile. "I do enjoy teaching. But I suppose, in light of this, I can't expect to continue."

"I'm sorry about this," she said quietly.

"Thank you, Lady Tsunade. I'll let you get back to your duties." He turned.

"Gai…"

He paused, looking over his shoulder.

"I'll say only this. Love is not always right. It can make you do foolish things—even terrible things. I almost made the worst mistake of my life because of my love for two people."

His jaw tightened, and he looked away. "I understand, Lady Tsunade. Only too well."

"I'm not finished," she said. "Even if love sometimes leads us astray, it's still the most precious thing we have. Take care not to let it blind you, but never be ashamed of it. It makes you human. And if we sometimes love the one we aren't supposed to love—or love someone in a way we aren't supposed to—well, that's human, too." She paused. "You aren't a monster, Gai. You're a good man, and a Shinobi worthy of respect. And you truly love him—any fool can see that. Whatever others may say, you have not lost my respect."

Gai blinked away tears of gratitude and bowed his head. "Thank you, Lady Tsunade."

She nodded. "Take care."

* * *

"Gai Sensei?"

"Yes, Lee?" They lay together under the sheets in Gai's bedroom, arms twined around each other.

"Is everything all right? You seem preoccupied."

He hesitated. He couldn't bring himself to tell Lee what Tsunade had told him. Not yet. "I'm just wondering how others will react to this when they find out. That's all."

"Who knows so far?"

"Well, er…Kakashi and Lady Tsunade…"

"And Sakura-san," Lee added.

"Sakura knows?"

"Yes. I told her. I hope you do not mind."

"Of course not." For a moment, he wondered. Sakura was notoriously bad at keeping secrets. Not that she would deliberately betray someone's trust; she just couldn't lie at all. "But why her?"

"Well, she is my friend. We became much closer after I stopped trying to win her heart. When you are not around, she is the one I talk to the most. When you told me how you really felt about me, I was so excited, I wanted to share it with someone. I confessed that I had been in love with you for a long time--I had never really told anyone, besides you."

"And what did she say?"

He smiled sheepishly. "She said she had known for years. She knew even before I did that I was in love with you. I did not realize I had made it so obvious. But she was happy for me."

"That's good." He stroked Lee's hair.

"I wonder who else knows. I think Neji has probably figured it out by now. His Byakugan does not miss much. Maybe Tenten, too…but I do not think Naruto-kun knows. I wonder what he would think. Anyway, why are _you _worried about other people's opinions? You have always followed your own heart."

"It's not myself I'm worried about. Whatever they throw at me, I can endure it. But I don't want you to suffer because of me."

"You do not have to worry about that." Lee snuggled closer. "As long as I am with you, I will be happy."

Gai held him closer. He knew it wasn't that simple. Others would judge them for this, and Lee had always been sensitive to others' opinions. Even if he'd never let those opinions stop him, Gai knew how much it had hurt him to be mocked and dismissed as a failure. He'd fought long and hard to win others' respect. If he lost that…

"You are frowning." Lee reached up to touch his mouth. "What are you thinking about?"

Gai hesitated. "I don't want to spoil the mood."

"Please tell me."

He sighed. "I spoke to Lady Tsunade earlier. Apparently, there are already rumors circulating about us. Some people want me to stop teaching."

"What?!" Lee sat up, eyes wide. "But why?"

"Because they think I seduced you. They think I'm a predator."

"But that isn't true!" He clenched his fists. "I will not let them do this to you! I—I will go to all those people and tell them the truth. I will—"

"Lee, it's all right. I'm going to resign."

"But why? You have not done anything wrong!"

"I can't prove that to them. I can't even blame them. I can imagine how this situation must look to someone from the outside. Trying to fight them over it won't change anyone's mind."

"I cannot believe I am hearing you say this! You are the one who told me that we must always fight falsehood and injustice wherever we find it. Now you are being falsely accused, and you are just going to give up?"

"This…isn't really the same, Lee." He stared down at the bed covers. "Those people are just concerned about their children. They—"

"You are making excuses. If you give up without a fight, you will be telling them that they are right about you—that there is something wrong and dirty about our love. Nothing could be further from the truth." Lee lay a hand over his. "If you will not fight them, then I will."

"Lee…"

"I will not let you sacrifice something you love doing for my sake."

"It isn't your fault. I don't want you to get caught up in this."

"But I already am. It hurts me to know that people are thinking poorly of you because of me. I cannot just ignore it." Lee's hand tightened on his. "Tell them the truth, Gai Sensei. I am not ashamed of our love, and I will not act as if I am. I will stand by your side and hold your hand and declare my love for you in front of the entire village, if that is what it takes."

He looked into Lee's dark eyes—eyes that burned with a fierce, solemn determination. It was the same look that had first drawn him to Lee so long ago. Gai took a deep breath. "You're right, Lee. I won't back down. I'll go back to Lady Tsunade later today. I'll tell her that I wish to keep my position as a teacher."

"Gai Sensei!" Lee flung his arms around him and hugged him tight.

Gai rubbed his back. His fingertips wandered over the familiar bumps and ridges of Lee's scars. They marred the smooth perfection of his skin, but they were part of him. They told the story of his life, and for that, Gai loved them, as he loved everything about his student—his reason, his life, his Lee. "You're such a treasure," he whispered. "Your heart is so pure. And you're so strong. Stronger than I."

"I owe everything I am to you," Lee whispered back. "I never would have survived without your love and guidance. Say you will always be with me, Sensei."

"I will always be with you, Lee." It was a promise he could keep—because even if death took Lee away from him, Gai would follow him into the next world without a moment's hesitation. That was the bond between them, and it would never break.

-The End

AN: So, that's it. What do you think? I think I rather like writing this couple. I might be writing more of them in the future.


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